She said to me, “It’s about having a relationship with yourself”.  I was 31 years old and it was the first time I was hearing these words.  I’m sure I had actually heard them before but it was the first time they resonated with me.  “It’s about having a relationship with myself?” I asked.  I wondered what that actually meant.  I truly did not know what it meant.  I did not know who I was.  I was 31 years old.  I had been living in this body of mine for 31 years.  I had been thinking in this mind of mine for 31 years.  If someone had asked me, “Who are you?” I would not have known what to say.  I did not know how to answer that question.

Who am I?  I remember the feeling of confusion.  I felt overwhelm.  I felt emptiness.  I felt awkward.  I felt fear.  I was bewildered.  I didn't have a clue who I was.  I felt stupid.  I felt lost.  I felt like I had been missing something.  I was angry.  Why hadn’t anyone told me this before?  Why did I not know that I was supposed to know who I was?  I was 31 years old and I did not know the first thing about myself.

After taking some time (a lot of time) to think and adjust to this knew thought process I began to discover that I did know a lot of things about myself.  I realized that I was afraid to share who I was with anyone.  I was afraid to tell people my thoughts, my hopes, my dreams.  I was afraid they would think I was wrong.  I was afraid they wouldn’t like me.  When it came right down to it, I was afraid they wouldn’t love me if they knew who I was on the inside.  I felt ugly on the inside.  I felt that there was something wrong with me.  I understood intellectually that this was crazy.  I knew intellectually that people liked me.  I knew intellectually that my family loved me.  I knew intellectually that my friends loved me.  I understood it intellectually.  I then knew that I needed to understand it emotionally.

I began to take baby steps.  I began to share my feelings with those around me.  I started to share my feelings with loved ones.  I started to share my feelings with co-workers.  I started to ask questions.  I started to ask myself empowering questions.  I started to use my voice to express who I was.  I started writing down my thoughts in a journal.  I started being honest with myself.  I started being honest with those around me.  I started to show who I was.  I started to accept who I was.  I started to like who I was.  I started to love who I was.  I started to have a relationship with myself.  My self-confidence improved.  My self-esteem improved.  Once I decided to be honest with myself it was much easier to be honest with those around me.